Dude, It's My Totally Crash Clone!
by A Wish On the Moon
Summary: The future needs to be saved… from itself. Really. (There's so much wrong with there being two Barts, especially if one is as irredeemable a sociopath as they say he is. Luckily, — or, unfortunately, if you think about it — Imp's there to smother him with kindness!) This can't end well for anyone involved. Young Justice, Young Justice, and Inertia. Multi-Chapter Adventure.
1. you've got time, i've got rhythm

**Disclaimer**: I lay no claim to any licensed characters or intellectual properties that were used in the making of this work.

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><p><strong>you've got time, i've got rhythm<strong>

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><p>Inertia wakes up to distorted images and sounds conversing over him. They're most likely discussing what to do with him, though he's too out of it to remember why that's a bad thing.<p>

He blinks once, twice.

The voices have died down to soft murmurs as they leave the room, and he squints, trying to adjust to the bright, bright lights. The colors and sounds eventually begin to make shapes and words, but he closes them again as footsteps sound and the noises get louder.

He fakes unconsciousness, breathing deeply as he listens. Some time passes before the ringing in his ears subsides, and his hearing returns to normal. He hears shallow, heavy breathing above him, and snaps his eyes open.

He's greeted to the uncomfortably close sight of wide yellow eyes and a mop of brown hair. Naturally, he reacts as any other sane person would.

He bolts up and screams.

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><p>Conner and M'gann are in the training room, discussing gossip with the newest Robin when they hear the loud yell, right before it suddenly cuts off. Their natural reaction is to run towards the noise, quickly, <em>quickly<em>, — before they remember their guest and the inhibitor collar preventing the speedster from using his powers.

The scream's not coming from any voice they know, so it's probably not all that important, right?

Tim looks to Superboy for orders, but merely receives a helpless shrug in response. Superboy doesn't know what to do either.

M'gann giggles at their passivity, and it sounds like the tinkle of wind chimes. It's Bart, she knows, and everyone who's met him has probably had the urge to strangle him at some point in their lives, but —

Shouldn't they save the boy from Impulse and his spontaneity?

Tim nods, but doesn't do much else. Superboy goes back to staring into space.

Apparently not.

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><p>Dick Grayson's supposedly working on the Watchtower's security feeds — he's maybe, kind of, sort of alternating between updating the system and spying on the girls — when he hears a shout.<p>

It ends abruptly, and he knows he should probably check it out, but he's kind of worried over the fact that his best friend and ex-girlfriend are going shopping together. Some things are far less whelming, dude.

Because, seriously, what are they talking about? They're not discussing _him_, are they?

Oh god, what if they're going over his bad tics? He's heard Zatanna complain about his eating habits, — eating cereal out of the box with his toes is a perfectly valid table manner, Z! — and Babara's more often than not told him that he looked like a panda, — it's the sleepless nights fighting crime for _justice_, Babs, let's be a little chalant about this — or what if it's —

No, wait, it's about girl stuff.

Wait, what?! That goes where?!

Eww…

Anyways, he should probably be glad that Starfire's not with them. Then he'd _really_ worry. While Kori and him aren't an item anymore, he hadn't ended things with her on very amiable terms. She'd probably set fire to anyone else he's dating.

Luckily, Z's the one who saw how he wasn't _really_ into her. And Bette's a little too creepy for him. But, then again, he and Babs sort of have this on-again, off-again thing going on, and —

Oh. My. God. Is that Kori?!

No, no, _nononono_, dammit! Don't go there, Babs!

_Noooooo!~_

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><p>Batman's in the break room at Happy Harbor trying to settle another argument between Dinah and Oliver. Something about marital rights and flirting and cheating and sidekicks and — Red Arrow? Really, Ollie?<p>

Between Black Canary's screeching and Green Arrow's stuttering, Bruce is growing a migraine the size of the Watchtower, and he's not sure if he really wants to know. At all. About any of this.

Because, really? From what he's caught of the argument alone, he's pretty sure something underage and illegal happened, again, and he'll probably have to have another talk about what it means to be mentor and sidekick with the whole crew. Again.

Oh, dear god, he hopes not. Once was bad enough, and that had been over the whole uncle-nephew thing the Flash and his Kid had going on.

He's still not sure if he got the message across.

Over the noise and his own musings, Batman doesn't hear the frightened shout, and, as the rest of the Team's still out living their civilian lives outside the Cave, no help arrives for the kid Bart found.

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><p>So maybe Bart hadn't really thought things through when he decided to bring Inertia back with him. Or when he decided to travel back in the first place and rescue Grandpa Barry. Or when he went and gorged himself on Chicken Whizees. Now <em>that<em> had been hilarious, and so totally, totally _crash_.

In his defense, his cousin's the one who got him addicted to them in the first place.

But! But, but, but! It's just Thad — before he became a freaky murdering psycho! How bad could it possibly be?

Apparently, very bad — so very, very bad. _So_ not crash.

"First, ow, eardrums! And, dude, what're you doing here? Did Maxsendyou? Heywait-noIbetit's — "

All Bart really hears are a bunch of angry mumbles. And dude, the glare's back. It still looks sort of crazy. Why's his clone so mad all the time? It totally makes _no_ _sense_, andwhy'dhegopickhimupanyways? And —

More mumbles. "Come on, dude, speak up!"

Or glare, that's cool, too.

Oh, hands.

Bart totally knows what he's doing. Really, he does.

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><p>As soon as Bart removes the offending appendages from his mouth, Inertia pushes the boy off of him and jumps backwards, placing enough distance between them that he can escape easily if need be.<p>

And, a lot of the time, _it needs be_.

He still wonders, sometimes, if Bart should even be thought of as dangerous, or even a nemesis. Really, each meeting merely reasserts the fact that _this boy cannot possibly be a threat_.

The fact that it took so long for Impulse to understand _why_ he couldn't answer him is not at all reassuring. Frankly, it is times like these that he thinks it would make more sense if he were the original, and Bart Allen the clone.

_It would at least explain the boy's impulsiveness and stupidity._

Before he can get a word in, edgewise, though, Bart's in his personal space, _again_, and chattering at him miles a minute. Unfortunately, he's still a speedster, and hears every. Single. Inane. _Thing_. Coming. Out. Of his. Mouth.

_Grife_, why the mode is this his life.


	2. where there's a will, there's a way

**Disclaimer**: I lay no claim to any licensed characters or intellectual properties that were used in the making of this work.

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><p><strong>where there's a will, there's a way<strong>

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><p>Grumbling quietly to himself, Inertia stares straight ahead at the blank metal wall before him. He can somewhat hear the endless hum of electricity surrounding him, and it only increases the agitation reflected across his features.<p>

He's tired, bored, and — most importantly — annoyed, and, at the moment, he's certain his eyes could burn holes through the building's circuitry. The zip-ties chafe, and he can _feel_ the skin that's most likely regrown over them in the time he's been stuck in the containment unit.

The only reason he hasn't bothered to escape is because Bart's in the other cell.

The way he sees it, Allen will somehow, miraculously, find a way to get himself out of the inferior, buzzing contraption next to his and insist Thad join him. Undoubtedly, they will both end up fighting the guards, the prison warden, and this… _In_-Justice League … of the capes'.

The base will most likely be blown up, , and the valuable files on President Thawne that he's tracked down to this era, in this _area_, will be lost forever. Not least of all, this will fully ruin any and all credence to the image of villain Thaddeus Thawne has made himself out to be.

And, really, truly, this is _not_ something he can afford. Inertia's reputation has been steadily declining ever since he chose _not_ to get rid of Bart and Max Mercury in one go; getting recruited by Deathstroke, and being put on the roster, for the _Reverse_ Teen Titans League the man had formed only adds fuel to the fire.

He's not even going to _think_ about those thrice-_grifed _Velocity-5 drugs he's been steadily depleting the supply of. If he can't see it, it's not true, not there, and _no one_ can tell him otherwise.

"Hey, Thad!"

He is at peace. He is part of the natural world, even if he _is_ nothing more than a clone. He is Zen, just like the rest of the infuriating people he's had to deal with in the past week alone.

"Check it out! The walls here melt, sort oflike to-tally _crash_ icecream!"

… Again, why? Thad can believe in these lesser humans' gods if Bart would just. Leave. Him. Alone. He'll even try not to kill people — really.

"— or maybe it's like goo!... Goo... Why'd theycallitgooanyway? I know! How about —"

At the loud bang, Thad starts, though he quickly suppresses the flinch wanting to shudder through his limbs. Instead, he lifts his head up to glare.

He can't even brood in peace, and this _has_ to be the last straw. Maybe, if he can rush in _just_ that bit fast enough, he can make Bart's death look like the idiot's own fault. A slight blow of the wind, maybe some lights for special effect, and a quick twist of the neck…

Of course, Inertia's fantasies are ruined by the fact that Bart has, indeed, broken himself out of his cell — actually melted the device with his high-speed blabbering.

It would be too much to ask that Bart sit still; he knows this from experience. Even if he wishes, just once, it were possible….

It. Just. Isn't.

Sighing in resignation, though with plenty of curses on the tip of his tongue — _I wonder if I can get him to _scream_ like a little bitch —_ Inertia rubs his arms together swiftly, creating enough friction between them that sparks fly and the lock itself short-circuits.

When the mechanism melts, he lets the cuffs fall to the ground before lifting himself up. His only consolation is that he does not have to rescue Bart, nor will he have to deal with the capes.

The question is, now what is he supposed to do?

(He sincerely hopes his predictions aren't about to become prophecy.)


End file.
